Monday, July 19, 2010

Bruises... [partially stolen, sorry Jarrett]

Luke 4:18-- "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised..." (KJV)

So, I totally stole this from Jarrett's blog, but I read it, and put my own little spin on it...

The last part of this verse is the most important part, in my opinion... "To set at liberty them that are bruised..." As Jarrett said, for one to truly understand this, one has to think about a literal bruise:

-It's today's (painful) reminder of yesterday's hurts.
-We often guard it, and treat it very carefully.
-We tell people to be careful, not to get too close, and to watch out.
-We often get so wrapped up in avoiding another painful injury, that we become slaves to our bruises.

What is the bruise you are protecting? I have several... and, honestly, I've become a slave to my past... to my fear of future pains... to my fear of heartache and sorrow. I'm forgetting to have fun, to live a little, to enjoy myself as the 18 year old I am... It's sad, and I am now bound and determined to change. I don't want to be a slave anymore. I've always been the slightly rebellious type, not one to be controlled in any way, yet I have enslaved myself. I have done to myself the one thing I have always said I would never let anyone do to me... I have allowed myself to be controlled and conquered. As a person, I'm slightly put off that I would be so ridiculous as to allow this to happen. This makes me feel weak, which is one thing I DESPISE with a passion. I hate feeling weak, and out of control, and that's exactly the position I've put myself in. Now, I must attempt to lose control yet again, in order that God be able to take control. I've long tried to control myself and my emotions, and it never works... at least not well. So, I know I need to give this over to God... It's just going to take some work... Maybe He'll help me with that, too. I guess we'll see... eventually.

But for now, I must go. I have cakes to bake... Decorating them tomorrow... Church Wednesday... Party (for which the cake was made) Thursday... Friday? Who knows?! Ah, well, adieu. God bless, my dears.


  1. Caitlin, you remind me so much of myself at your age. I was always one that didn't quite "go with the crowd" and I ALWAYS was cautious and afraid of putting myself out there for fear of being hurt or rejected. I still do it a lot now. I think that's why I'm pretty shy and quiet until I get to know people. I feel like we're kindred spirits a lot of the time when I read your blog! The difference is, you have a lot more wisdom and maturity than I did at your age. I ended up going through a bit of a wild streak for a couple of years because I was tired of being so "controlled" all the time and I did some REALLY dumb things, of course, if it weren't for those things, I wouldn't be where I am today, nor the person I am today. Anyway, you get out there and have fun and enjoy being young while you can! (Just have GOOD fun, not the kind I did-LOL....I don't think we have to worry about you too much) I'll keep praying for you!

    Love ya!

    Ms. L

  2. Yeah, I totally understand the quiet/shy thing. I am entirely that way... Of course, once I get to know you, you can't make me shut up... But that's irrelevant, haha. But I do see myself shutting people out because I'm tired of getting hurt. I know it's wrong, and I'll still get hurt, but it feels like I get hurt far less often and less severely when I do. Which is convenient, because I don't deal with pain, especially rejection, very well. I tend to shut down and just turn myself off. I'll get to the point that I make myself numb to all things, including love. I'm trying to stop, but I've done it for a while now. I'm trying to make myself learn to deal with pain, and not just bottle it up. I've always struggled with that. I keep all my emotions inside... I even get in trouble for it. But I'm getting better. And I have fewer negative emotions floating around in my head to deal with. I'm also trying to learn how to really have fun... That's hard though, since I can't make myself STOP working... It's fun though. Maybe I'll get a little break at boot camp, haha. Thanks for your prayers/care! I'll be praying for you too (I figure you could always use a little prayer... you have kids, that's reason enough right there, haha).

    Love you too!