Thursday, March 17, 2011


So, today, the power at my house went out. I was so frustrated. I had to shower (and shave my legs, which is scary enough with lights on... using sharp objects in the dark is mortifying!) with nothing but candles for lights. Then when I got out, I realized I couldn't get online, dry my hair, open the garage door to leave (I had to raise it manually), cook food, or even see to put on makeup. I was so frustrated. I legitimately thought to myself "This must be what it's like to live in a 3rd world country." Then I mentally slapped myself. That was the stupidest, most selfish, idiotic thing I could ever have even thought. I am ashamed to know that I thought that way. Because, although it did stink that my power was out, I had hot, clean water with which to shower, clean clothes to wear, a house to live in, a car to drive, money in my purse, the ability to drive to McDonald's to get food, a job to be headed to, a radio to listen to gospel music, the ability to learn about God without fear of imprisonment or death... The list goes on and on and on. I am blessed. We all are. Yet we sit here and whine about little things that don't even matter. Therefore, I'm going to start praying (though I'm pretty sure I already know the answer) about sponsoring a child through Holt International. I've wanted to for a while now, but my mom talked me out of it. However, it's only $30 a month. If I have to cut back on fast food or Dr Pepper, so be it. I'm sure my body will thank me for it anyway. I'm sorry I got preachy, but I see flaws in myself that I need to fix, and by posting them on here, I bring it from the back of my mind to the very front. So that's my preaching for tonight.

Anyway, I think I may have a small problem... I don't get hungry anymore... Well, I do, but I don't eat hardly anything and I'm full. Tonight I had a small piece of chicken for my dinner. That's it. I had a halfway normal lunch, but it's gotten to the point that I eat one to one and a half meals a day.. I haven't lost too much weight though, so I guess it's okay for now. I don't know if I'm getting depressed, or what, but I really don't want to deal with it right now. I have too much going on. Which reminds me, my schedule at work is changing... I was working 10-6, but as of March 28, I will be working 6:30-9:30, then 3-6... At least I'll have time to squeeze in a nap between loads of laundry before I have to go back in to work... Lord, have mercy. Plus, on Spring Break, I'll be pulling a full time shift. Yay. Then there's church stuff... And Torie now has it in her head that she needs to make me feel beautiful and worthy of love... So that's gonna be fun... and by fun, I mean that every time anyone tries that, I ultimately feel worse than I did to begin with. I walk away exceptionally aware of how single, unloved, and unattractive I feel.. And I can't tell people that, because no one will just listen. Everyone wants to "fix it". No one has figured out you can't "fix it". I just want to be able to tell someone how I feel. But I know that won't happen. I can't even put it all on here for fear that someone, somewhere is reading this. I need God. I'll stop whining now...

Goodnight, and may God continue to bless you..

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Goooood moooorrrrningggg!

Apparently, if one has a migraine and falls asleep at 7, one will wake up at 5, still dressed from the day before wondering why she is even awake. I discovered that this morning. However, the migraine was gone and I now have plenty of time to take a loooong (like 30 whole minutes!) shower and even do some laundry before work! I just have this sensation that today will be a pleasant one (I gotta feelin', ooh, that tonight's gonna be a good night). I don't know why, since Seth isn't too happy with me... But, honestly, if he's gonna act like he has been, then I can't really care. So what that I have a new friend who's a cute guy? That's my choice. Chris (my new friend) is really nice to me. And he's also a VERY talented pianist/singer. Anyway, random thought! I got three temporary tattoos yesterday... One is a glow in the dark really cute teddy bear holding a chainsaw with blood on it (on my side), one is a gold rose (on my wrist), and one is a rose/bird design that says "love forever" (on my hip)... I know, I'm weird... This morning I also got a really strong desire to bake a cake... I'll have to see if my my momma wants me to make Bo's birthday cake. I could have some real fun with a rockstar cake for Bo! I'm just so full of random thoughts this morning... Jeez, if this is what I'm like when I get a full night's sleep, then I need to go back to not sleeping! I'm so hungry... I didn't eat last night, so all I ate yesterday was ONE PLATE at the Chinese buffet with a few bites of ice cream for dinner.. I really think I'm losing weight from being sick and having migraines all the time. Ha! While everyone else diets and works out to get ready for Spring Break, I just "magically" lose weight... It's great! I just wish I weren't single... I know I'm being stupid and selfish, but I just kinda want someone to first of all care when I'm sick, and secondly, maybe even take care of me a bit! But I know that won't happen... At least if I were dating, I would have someone to take care of... Oh well, in due time... I know how it works. Oh! So, yesterday at work, this kid told me I could be a rockstar. I asked him why he said that, since he's notorious for lying (every day he tells me I'm hot/cute/pretty and crap like that). He said "Because you have a pretty voice, Ms. Caitlin." He's like 11, so obviously I don't trust his musical opinion, but it was still funny. Anyway, I love you guys, but I'm gonna start getting ready... Love you all so much! God bless you, and have a really great day!

"My life is not my own, to You I belong, I give myself, I give myself to You. I give myself away, I give myself away so You can use me." --Israel Houghton

Friday, March 11, 2011

"Calling everybody, step in the lights and show a little love if you feel alright!"

KINGSDOWN ROCKS!! That's just in case you didn't already know that. I saw them tonight, and they're awesome!! Today was just a good day... after several days of migraines/sickness, today I didn't have one, plus the kids at work were pretty good, and I got to see Kingsdown! Taught some younger kiddos how to headbang/air guitar... Got them going hardcore with me! It was SO much fun! But now comes the work and general busyness... But it's okay... I'll live. Tomorrow, I have to be at the church at 8 to help set up for the Bible Bee Chili Cook Off and later for Elevation Renovations (yeah, I just made that name up...). Then MAYBE go see Kingsdown at the Rev Room... Except they don't go on until like 10-10:30ish... And it's daylight saving time tomorrow night... And Sunday is, well, a Sunday... But if all else fails, I'll invest in some 5 hour energy.. But anyway, I REALLY need a shower... Soooo badly. I'm gonna go take a quick one, and then hit the hay... I love you guys a whole, whole lot! I really do!! Have a good night, and may God bless you with all the blessings He has for you!