Is there a mechanic in the house?

Yeah, according to Seth Hicks, I need a mechanic because I'm "broken". He says I'm not injured, I'm just broken, and therefore do not need a doctor, but rather a mechanic. So... anybody know a good mechanic? Haha. Seriously though... I keep straining that pulled hamstring, PLUS I'm pretty sure I pulled a muscle in my lower back. It hurts soooo bad. But I'll be fine. Promise.





Anyway, Silent Witness is performing First Wednesday, apparently. What song? Good question. But since there's like 4 of us, we'll all have solos. I'm kinda hoping we do Holy Thou Art God. I love that song, and we haven't done it in a while... Like, a long while. And it would work out well, I think. What with the solo breakup and everything.... But I know none of you really care about the behind-the-scenes stuff of SW, just the finished product. Which is understandable.





So yeah.... I decided that all the "ironic hipsters" of the world should get their hair cut like any member of A Flock Of Seagulls... Just a suggestion though. I personally think it would be hilarious to see tons of kids walking around with their hair all weird-like... But maybe that's just me?



Okay, so today I got my new phone cover in the mail... Also, I FINALLY got an antenna for my car... I haven't saved any money for an air conditioner, and I haven't ordered an EGR valve, or put money aside for tires, but I do have a working radio now, so it's all good. Now if my book would just get here...



Also today, I decided I wanted cake... Since I had a box of cake mix left over from my grandma's party, that was easy... And no, I didn't put anything on it. Not even icing. It's just a plain chocolate cake... It's soooo good though. I'm of the belief that good cake doesn't need icing. And now I have my cake, and I'm eating it, too.



Alas, for the first time in my life... I have nothing more (that's coherent, at least) to say... Strange, I know. So I suppose I shall go watch country music videos until I pass out. Love y'all. Good night and God bless.

Does blogging count as a hobby?

Steph said I don't need a boyfriend, but rather, I need a hobby. So I just wonder, does blogging count? I do it ALL THE TIME. Or does that make me an addict? Either way, I'm beginning to think I spend all my free time either blogging, watching GAC, or both. So, I mean, if listening to music doesn't count, blogging should. But that's irrelevant.


Speaking of irrelevancy, I saw a shirt the other day that made me laugh. It said "Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant". I laughed so hard. And I don't know why. That's only slightly funny, but it just makes me laugh. You can see other shirts like this, including this one, at www.snorgtees.com. So visit it, if you feel so inclined.



So, I cannot wait for my book to come in the mail... And my phone cover. But mostly my book. Walden, by Henry David Thoreau. I am so excited about this. I want to live this way. For those of you who do not know, Walden is basically a journal Thoreau kept while living on Lake Walden, alone, in a cabin. Which is exactly what I want to do. Except not on Lake Walden... Somewhere closer, preferrably. And if Em remembers, I shall also have Captivating to read soon. Which I'm also very pumped about.



Okay, so tomorrow I have got to remember to get that part for my car.. And I need gas. All this needs to be done before work tomorrow... So before 10. Unless they call me and say they don't need me (Oh, please, dear Lord, let it be so...). I really don't want to work that shift... I'll keep the 3-6, but would prefer not working the 10-1 prior to that. I know my paycheck would enjoy the extra hours, but my body would not. I'm so stinking worn out. And don't say it's from a lack of sleep. I have slept a full eight hours two whole nights in a row this week. And that's saying something. It is from this wonderful thing called "stress". I think I need a vacation... Ah, well, only 16 more days 'til bootcamp! Which isn't a technical "vacation", as I'll be working with kids the whole time, but it's time away from normal life. I'm pretty stoked, actually. Plus, it means I finally get to go swimming!


Oh, random story time. Christian, a 10 year old boy from church, was answering some multiple choice questions I was reading him, and one of them he gave me an answer before I read them to him. Excitedly, he proclaimed "I'm psycho! I knew you were going to say that!". I shook my head and said "Psychic, maybe?". He laughed, I laughed, 'twas grand.



Alas, my dear mother is concerned that I do not sleep enough, so she wants me to get off the internet... So I must bid you all farewell for now. Good night, and God bless.

Live life in the fast lane...

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy [cow (umm yeah, that's what I'll go with)], what a ride!'" --Hunter S. Thompson



I think that quote is how I'm probably going to wind up living. I mean, I already pull the whole "Eh, it's only 2 AM, what's another hour?" mess. I only take "vacations" in order to work for the church, like for bootcamp (which I'm SOOOOO excited about!!!!!!). I am learning to live the way I want to, because honestly don't have to worry about embarrassing my boyfriend, as I don't have one (I'm also learning to be single... it's hard, but I'm getting better). That means I can go out on dates with myself, or just hang out with my friends, the few I have left (Hi, Rachel!), without worrying that my boyfriend will be mad. It's pretty awesome, actually, to have that freedom and independence. When I was dating Zack, I was afraid to do anything without him, because he always got upset when I chose to hang out with my friends instead of him... However, when he cancelled dates and left me stranded places because he said he would pick me up, but then decided hanging out with his neighbors sounded more fun, I was supposed to be totally fine with that. But it's whatever. It's in the past now, and I'm soooo far gone. I left that relationship running and haven't looked back once. It's kinda sad that I can do that, you know.... Leave a 2 1/2 year relationship with no regrets, desires to rekindle that, or even any sadness at all. I mean, I'm pretty sure that makes me a cold-hearted snake (and yes, I was actually called that by *someone*, who shall remain nameless). But I truly wasn't happy in that relationship. I actually had a woman, Michelle, who totally made my day; she told me she was proud of me for ending it with Zack, and that she thought I was brave for making the right choice, no matter what other people said. It really caught me off guard, though, when she said that because everyone else had been telling me how horrible of a person I was for "breaking that poor boy's heart". But I KNOW I did the right thing, no matter what anyone says. And now Zack even agrees, obviously, as he's dating Rachel... But anyway, I'm chasing rabbits. What I was getting at is that I don't care anymore what anyone says: I want to live my life the way I want to live it. If that means I want to randomly drive to Starbucks, or dance in the rain, or sing at the top of my lungs while dancing around my room in sweats and stilettos, or whatever it is, I'm going to do it. Especially that last one... I do that a lot. It's fun. I truly recommend it for any woman. Any music will do. And you don't even have to be a good dancer. I'm not. I just let loose and have fun. Plus it's a totally good workout. What more reason do I need?!



But anyway, I had a few "work stories" that I feel need to be shared... Firstly, this little boy, Peyton, who is 3, and I were just being silly and making funny faces at each other, when he got right up in my face and stuck his tongue out. So, of course, I made a funny face. Then he decided to kiss me on the lips. I was in shock... It kinda caught me off guard... Then today, this 5 year old, Jacob, walked up to me and told me, very seriously "I love you". And not in the typical "cute kid telling his teacher" way... It was like the "boyfriend telling a girlfriend" way... I was only able to say "Yeah... love you too, Jacob" before I walked away to crack up laughing. It was funny... But very cute. So yeah. And multiple times this one 3 year old, Keith has attempted to feel my boobs.. He even stuck his hands in my sleeves to feel my bra... I just pulled his hands away and went to "check on the other kids", which translates to "get away from him". Then there was the boy (not one in my class) who was putting rocks down his diaper and got one stuck... in his... umm... manhood. I guess "boyhood" would be more appropriate... But anyway. Yeah, my friend, Abby, who works with me, was telling me about it... It was very interesting. Daycare workers really do have the best "work stories". That is one of the many things I love about my job...



Anyhoo, for the SECOND time tonight, I'm currently watching Superstar Sessions on GAC, which is basically an hour full of music videos from one singer. Who is the singer featured tonight? DIERKS FREAKIN' BENTLEY. I adore him. I would so marry him. In a heartbeat. Just saying. Also tonight, my mom sent me to buy milk. So what did I come home with? 2 gallons of milk, a King Size Reese's, 2 King Size KitKats, and a bag of peanut M&M's twice the size of the normal bag. PMS? Maybe. Did I get my chocolate fix? Heck yeah, and I only ate the M&M's. But I'm hiding the other candy for later. If someone were to search my room, they would find that I hide all of my good food. And I hide it very well. At one point I had a Mr. Goodbar hidden under my graduation cap, but now there's nothing there... Haha. And I shall not disclose anymore of my supersecret hidey holes. Sorry guys. Bwahahaha.



Okay, so I have a new addiction, besides my addictions to coffee and Dr Pepper... www.stumbleupon.com . It is amazing. You enter your likes/interests and hit this button that says "Stumble", and it takes you to websites it thinks you may like. You either give the website a thumbs down, or you give it a thumbs up, which saves it to your favorites so you can revisit it and it also revises your interests to better provide you with websites you'll enjoy. It is totally rad. I adore it. And you can add friends too! But, alas, I need to clean my room, so I shall bid you all goodnight. Hasta luego. God bless.

Song lyrics..

So, I'm pretty sure that Lee Brice wrote a song that PERFECTLY describes me.. Pretty much, anyway. I shall now insert the lyrics so that you may all agree.

She Ain't Right- Lee Brice

She got her daddy's tongue and temper
Sometimes her mouth could use a filter
God shook His head the day He built her
Oh, but I bet He smiled
She loves and lives her life a little unruly
Tears up that dirt road in a dualy (Sp?)
Dangerous, absolutely
And in a little while
She'll be roundin' that corner on three wheels
Ain't slowin' down, yellin' "Come on, jump in"
Always up to somethin', crazy got nothin' on her


Chorus:
She ain't right, she ain't right
She ain't right, but she's just right for me


She says she wants to meet my mama
I said "I don't think you oughta"
Be like mixin' oil and water
But by midnight she had
Mama on the coffee table dancin'
Comin' unwound
Good God, I swear
Can't take her anywhere
What's the girl gonna do next


Chorus


Every once in a while she'll give me that smile and say
"I just don't see somebody like you lovin' somebody like me"


Chorus







Ain't that a good song? And a very accurate description of me? I feel like it is... It even encompasses my self-esteem issues. And that is very hard to do. I mean, I've actually said those exact words multiple times... Which is sad and pathetic, really, but it's how I feel... So yeah. But that song was playing in my head last night and still is now, so I figured I'd share it with y'all. But now I must go get ready for work. I may post more tonight... Maybe. We'll find out together, I suppose. Love you all, and God bless.

In the name of love, once more in the name of love...

Originally done by U2, "Pride (In The Name Of Love)" was redone by Dierks Bentley on his new album, Up On The Ridge, which is by far one of my favorites... Ever. That's what the lyrics in the title are from, in case you didn't know and were wondering. Also on the album is "Fallin' For You". I adore it.. Actually, I love all these songs. And I love that I can hit some of the bass notes on these songs... It's legit.


But enough about my bluegrass/country music... Yesterday, I spent the entire day with Rachel (Hi, Rach!)... I'm not sure if Zack (my ex, her current boyfriend) was upset or not... Do I really care? No. Absolutely not. But whatever. I had a blast with her though. So much better than my "me date" I took on Friday... I realized that I just need more friends to hang out with, and I'll be fine. At least, I hope I'll be fine. Being with her made me realize just how lonely I've been... Maybe that's good, but I've always clung tightly to the belief that, if you ignore problems/emotions, they'll either go away on their own, or by the time they come back to the surface, you'll be better equipped to handle them. At least, that's what I'm hoping for... Like loneliness: If you don't pay attention to it, you don't get depressed/upset. You will not think to be upset about being alone if you just think you're fine alone. But that's a very stupid philosophy, and I know it from experience. However, that's a fact I tend to ignore. I know it's silly, but I'm tired of hurting... Being hurt, and hurting others. It makes me sick when I hurt others. And as far as being hurt goes, I think I've had my fair share. I mean, apparently not, since it's just going to continue, but I really don't feel like I'm capable of taking on anymore heartache, hurts, pains, etc. I guess I'll just have to get stronger between now and my next relationship/friendship... Especially relationship. When I'm in a relationship, I love too much, too soon. I trust that person with everything I am. And then they let me down. Right when I'm at my most vulnerable place, I get hurt. That's why I have relationship issues, I guess. I can't have a good relationship, because I can't seem to get into a healthy relationship. Maybe I never will, or at least not until I truly love myself AND accept myself. And that's something I've been working on for a while now. But I guess I have no other choice. It's either that or I shall be alone/in a bad relationship for the rest of my life. "Bad angel, get off my shoulder. Bad angel, let me be. I'm standing at the crossroads of temptation and salvation street...". Is it totally pathetic that one of my biggest temptations is to hate myself? Because it really is... And I know that's all spiritual warfare, but I don't feel like I'm strong enough to defeat this. I feel like I showed up to a gunfight with nothing but a switchblade knife. God really likes to challenge me, I'm sure of that. Maybe it's going to work out in the end, and I'll be a better person because of it...That's what I'll tell myself for now, anyway. And what sucks the most is that I can't really talk to anyone about it. Steph is too busy/indifferent (it seems that way, even if it's not), Seth H. gets mad, Seth J. is too busy, Rach is busy/far away, and everyone else is busy or simply doesn't care. So I have to vent and get it all out via this blog. My apologies to all those who read this and are either annoyed, bored, or whatever by this whininess. I shall stop for now... I'm going to continue listening to Dierks Bentley and pray that this feeling passes. Love y'all, and God bless.

"This is what the letter said, the letter that Johnny Walker read..." (good song!)

So, the song quoted in the title is an AWESOME song! It was on an Asleep At The Wheel CD my dad had, and the song itself is a play on words: The Letter That Johnny Walker Read. It's referring to a literal letter that Johnny Walker read and Johnny Walker Red Label Whiskey, simply called Johnny Walker Red. So yeah...


Anyway, I know that was of no interest to anyone but me, so I'll move on now. I'm absolutely certain now that I am an idiot. I always thought I was, but now I know. Now, don't start arguing and pulling out the "Oh, no, Caitlin, you're so smart" crap. I am an idiot. Why do I say this? Well, I have been trying to pull a scorpion (cheerleading move in which you grab your foot and pull it up straight behind your head... it's not exactly easy) for ages now, and I've been doing better. Well, night before last, I decided to try it again... in my 5 inch stilettos. FYI: When one is wearing heels, one's leg muscles are already extended. Attempting to pull a scorpion in said heels will result in a pulled hamstring, which is very painful. So I've been limping around like a fool for the past two days. That just makes me stupid though. What makes me an idiot? I'm wearing the same heels tomorrow, knowing very well that it will hurt. I know this because I tried them on for no more than 10 minutes tonight, and am now in excruciating pain. This rocks. I am an idiot. Also, my legs are on fire. I didn't shave the way I'm supposed to, so now it hurts. This is what I get for trying to be lazy. I should win the award for Idiot Of The Year. Just throwing that out there. If anyone wants to vote for me, you have my full permission.



So, anyhoo, I adore country music. Also, country men. And just the country in general. I just thought everyone should know that. Honestly, though, I think I'm addicted to Dr Pepper and country music. I mean, I will go out of my way for either one. I'll put it this way, in case you didn't catch it in the previous post (I'm pretty sure I put it in there... yeah, I did), I plan on buying an antenna for my car BEFORE buying a new air conditioner, or even putting money back for one. Does that make me crazy, or what?! I'm thinking it does make me at least slightly nuts.



But anyway, I'm cold and I have church early tomorrow morning, so I'm going to at least lay down... Maybe tonight I'll get a decent amount of sleep, though I really doubt that, as I took an hour long nap today... Ah, well, así es la vida, triste y podrida. See y'all tomorrow... Love you all, and God bless!

What to do, what to do...

Okay, so I could NOT go to sleep last night... I didn't until 4 AM. So after a good 4 1/2-5 hours of sleep, I got up... Coffee and leftover birthday cake for breakfast. Now I am looking for something to do. I really want to hang out with the Hicks', but... well, I just don't see that as a viable option, as A.) I'm not really invited to their house today and B.) I mean, I don't want to do something stupid. So yeah, I don't have any plans for the day... I need some!!! I'm bored! And I already went on a date with myself once this weekend. Can't really afford to do that twice. At least not until I get paid, and my next paycheck is going for an EGR valve and radio antenna for my car. Although, altogether, that should be about $60.. So pretty much half of a week's paycheck... But whatever... It's cool. I just can't wait to have a functioning radio in my car. I would rather have a radio than an air conditioner. Is that sad, or what? So anyway, I'm going to cut this mess short while I attempt to find something fun to do today... Love y'all, and God bless!

Relaxation... Ain't it grand?

So, I came home today, stressed and exhausted (just like every other day)... I just wanted to relax. So I took my dad's advice, and went out on a date with myself. I indulged in a few of my guilty pleasures: buffet chinese food, Starbucks, and WalMart at night. It was fun. I really enjoyed myself. It had been so long since I just went out, alone, by choice, with no real reason behind it. I have this mentality, after having been in a relationship for soooo long, that I can't go out unless I have someone with me. I'm learning that is not true at all. I actually really enjoy the solitude. I even had a whole room to myself at the chinese restaurant. It was awesome. I recommend alone time for anyone who ever gets stressed out. It's really great.


Anyway, if you haven't seen the pictures of the cake I baked, you can check them out on my facebook, as blogger won't let me upload them... Which is suckish, but whatever. No one reads this that isn't my friend on Facebook, so it's cool.


Also, I would just like to say one thing: IT'S FINALLY THE WEEKEND!!!!!!!! Praise God! After this week, I'm so entirely ready for bootcamp, but it's not until August 13 for workers... So I've got a while still... Oh well. I'll make it. I did get board shorts to wear though! And I think they're cute. They're kinda boyish though... probably because I got them from the boys' section at WalMart... haha.



Okay, I'm gonna go for now... Love you all! God bless.

Bruises... [partially stolen, sorry Jarrett]

Luke 4:18-- "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised..." (KJV)


So, I totally stole this from Jarrett's blog, but I read it, and put my own little spin on it...


The last part of this verse is the most important part, in my opinion... "To set at liberty them that are bruised..." As Jarrett said, for one to truly understand this, one has to think about a literal bruise:

-It's today's (painful) reminder of yesterday's hurts.
-We often guard it, and treat it very carefully.
-We tell people to be careful, not to get too close, and to watch out.
-We often get so wrapped up in avoiding another painful injury, that we become slaves to our bruises.


What is the bruise you are protecting? I have several... and, honestly, I've become a slave to my past... to my fear of future pains... to my fear of heartache and sorrow. I'm forgetting to have fun, to live a little, to enjoy myself as the 18 year old I am... It's sad, and I am now bound and determined to change. I don't want to be a slave anymore. I've always been the slightly rebellious type, not one to be controlled in any way, yet I have enslaved myself. I have done to myself the one thing I have always said I would never let anyone do to me... I have allowed myself to be controlled and conquered. As a person, I'm slightly put off that I would be so ridiculous as to allow this to happen. This makes me feel weak, which is one thing I DESPISE with a passion. I hate feeling weak, and out of control, and that's exactly the position I've put myself in. Now, I must attempt to lose control yet again, in order that God be able to take control. I've long tried to control myself and my emotions, and it never works... at least not well. So, I know I need to give this over to God... It's just going to take some work... Maybe He'll help me with that, too. I guess we'll see... eventually.


But for now, I must go. I have cakes to bake... Decorating them tomorrow... Church Wednesday... Party (for which the cake was made) Thursday... Friday? Who knows?! Ah, well, adieu. God bless, my dears.

"For the God on the mountain is still God in the valley..."

Ugh. I'm going to die. This week has got to be straight from my worst nightmare. I'm working 10-1 and 3-6 every day this week, I have to get an oil change at like 7 AM tomorrow, I have to make a cake for my Mimi's birthday Tuesday night, church Wednesday, actual party for Mimi on Thursday... by Friday, I'm going to be ready to cry. I mean, I get stressed just thinking about all of this... Blame it on my inability to say "no" to anyone, blame it on my stupidity, blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol (JUST KIDDING!!!), blame it on whatever you like, I'm going to be soooo busy this week! But that's okay. I'll make it. I always do. I may lose weight, and I may be on the verge of tears at any given moment, but I'll do it, and I'll do it well! The cake is going to be the most stressful thing I have to do, because I'm going to have to bake it AND decorate it in one night after work, still having to wake up early for work the next day. But at least I'm going to do an easy design... I think. It's just going to be chocolate cake, homemade buttercream, white fondant, with blue and green fondant flowers on it. Shouldn't be too bad. I'll post pictures when I finish it. Promise... If I remember, haha.

So anyway, just in case you don't know and are wondering why I wasn't at church for the last part of first service or second service, it's because I threw up a bit from a migraine, so Stephanie sent me home. It was nothing too bad, but she didn't want me making myself worse by continuing to work. Which is totally understandable. So, I came home and slept all afternoon, and now that I need to sleep, I'm not tired. I figure I'll wait a little longer, and if I'm not tired by then, I'll take some medicine that the doctor let me keep. It's an antidepressant that he gave me for migraines, but since it doesn't work, he said I can use it as a sleep aid, another use it has. So if I can't sleep, I'll just take one or two and hope I wake up in time tomorrow. I think it's a good plan.


Just for those of you who are concerned about the migraines, there is nothing technically wrong with me... Just genetics. However, medicines only work for a month, maximum. That leads to several problems. I only have a few choices left: Botox injections 4 times a month at several hundred dollars each, spending $400 every two weeks for medicine that won't work for very long, lifestyle changes, or pregnancy. The pregnancy idea came from Emily. As all previous migraine sufferers in my family have been men, I don't know that this would work, but Em said that, after getting pregnant, she never got migraines anymore. So that's a thought... However, IF I ever even get married and decide I want kids, it will be a loooong time. The first two ideas are expensive and stupid, especially the Botox. So, I'm left with lifestyle changes... And that means changing everything: stress levels, food, sleep habits, exercise more, etc. It's going to suck, quite frankly. But it's what I have to do if I want to get rid of these migraines, which I do. I guess I can make it happen...



But for now, I shall have to go, so that I may attempt to sleep soon. I love you all! Good night, and God bless!

I be stunting... haha

So I feel pretty rocking today. I'm sporting a spiderman band-aid, TOMS, pegged skinny jeans, GraceKidz tee, and a new hairdo. Yup, that's the stuff rockstars are made of. So anyway, this new hair is great. It's short. And I have silver fingernails. And black and silver toenails. I know, I'm awesome. Haha, at least I like to pretend I am.


Gather 'round kiddos, it's story time (very short story, albeit, but a story nonetheless). As I was walking through Knight's today, I noticed the "international" aisle had flags from various countries hanging above it... Then I saw the Texas flag... Wait, what? When did Texas become a different nation?!? Did I miss something? I mean, I knew it was an independent nation, but wasn't that a while ago? So I would love an explanation as to why a Texas flag is hanging above the INTERNATIONAL section. Anyone?


So I'm thinking I'm not going to keep harping on my guy issues, because when I do, it brings *him* to the forefront of my mind... Not cool. So I'm going to avoid that topic for a while.



But for now, I need a shower and I have to do some laundry... So, I shall post again soon. So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye. God bless, y'all!

Ohh goodness... *sigh*

Well, I am a successful woman. I have convinced myself that I don't like *him* anymore. And that is a pretty big stinkin' step. I know, I rock. You don't have to tell me. Haha, I'm just messing. But seriously, I told y'all I could do it... And I did. I don't think I like *him* anymore... We'll see, I suppose. But, even if I don't, I'm still really shy/embarrassed around *him*, so don't expect to see me hanging out with *him* anytime soon.


Anyhoo, I've completely exhausted every ounce of energy my body possibly possessed, and then some. I have driven myself so far past the point of exhaustion and extreme stress that it's not even cool. I rarely eat, and when I do, I don't eat very much at all. I don't get much sleep, and it's not even good sleep. I work, I clean, I teach, I volunteer... I do anything that's asked of me, no matter what. Even though it usually means that I'm going to be tired and stressed... I've gotten better at handling it. I mean, I really should be sleeping right now, but I'm so stressed, I know I can't sleep. However, not sleeping merely adds to the stress. Basically, it's a never ending cycle... Ohhh well. I guess I'll get rested up one day... Maybe.


So, I decided I REALLY want to go to the lake. Like, really, really badly. I would prefer to go with some friends, but as I don't have any friends, I guess I'll just have to wait until bootcamp... Or I could go by myself, like a nerd... Joy. I think I'll just wait 'til bootcamp. Then I'll be with my... "friends". I guess that's what they're called... I don't know.. They don't talk to me anymore, even if I try to talk to them first... I think I annoy them, but it's okay, I guess... I'm used to it now...


But enough whining.... I decided I'm truly, madly, deeply in love... with country music. It's just.. amazing. It helps me chill out and relax a bit. It's seriously one of my great loves. Dr Pepper and coffee are two of my other great loves... As far as people go, I don't think I have any great loves... Except my family, but whatever... I mean, boys-- I can do without them... I think. Haha. We'll find out eventually! But for now, I should probably go... Love y'all! God bless!

Bragging rights... I think I pretty well earned 'em.

Okay, so I tend to think I'm allowed my bragging rights, at least just this once. I made a five, yes a 5, on the AP Spanish test. It's out of 5. So, basically, I made the highest score possible. Which completely astounds me. There have been native Spanish speakers who took the test and said it was hard. So for me, the white girl, to take it and make a 5 is freaking amazing. Señor Nichols was the one who told me, and I literally was fighting back tears. Of course that waned a little when I called my dad, who promptly said "I'm very proud of you. Now maybe you can take that excitement and energy and put it toward retaking your ACT." Which, albeit, I'm not too happy with, but a 29 is pretty good. Apparently it's not good enough though. But whatever. I'll just have to retake it, I guess. That's what my parents want, so I'll do it.

Also, I made a guy's day yesterday... At least, I like to think I did. I went to Joe Bravo (small, but awesome coffee shop across from Knight's) and only had a $20 in cash. I ordered a Caramel Mudd Machiatto, which costs $4.75. So after some small talk with the (very cute) guy working there, he handed me my change, which was $15.25. So I casually left a $5 tip. He figured out what I had done and just got the biggest smile I've ever seen. It totally made my day. I think I should do that more often...


And, today I made a rocking mocha frappuccino. It is awesome! And it was done in a semi-homemade way! Rock on!


But I think I've bragged enough for one post. So, for now, I shall bid you all farewell. God bless.

Ponderings...

"I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude." -Henry David Thoreau.


"Do not rely completely on any other human being, however dear. We meet all life's greatest tests alone." -Agnes McPhail.


So I decided that I'm okay with living in solitude for the rest of my life. I'm actually pretty excited about the prospect of never having to worry about pleasing others. And say what you will, I do have to please others, as long as there are others to please. It's just a part of who I am. I'm a people-pleaser; always have been, always will be. And as much as I hate it, I still can't tell people "no". I just can't, and it sucks. I truly wish I could, because that would save me so much stress, time, and energy. But that's totally not going to happen anytime soon at all. I guess I'll just have to learn to deal with stress and exhaustion until I'm rich enough to afford to escape. I can't wait to get away from it all. And if I stay single forever, I'll never have to worry about all the disappointment and pain that comes with relationships. It's a pretty good plan, I think. And if I can go through with it, no one else will ever be hurt by me, either. Which would make me very happy. I hate hurting others, even moreso than I hate being hurt by others. Therefore, I want to save up a ton of money (or win the lottery, haha) and move out into the mountains, to a two or three room cabin. I won't need anything very big, as it would just be me, myself, and I. Nor would it be hard for me to take care of myself. I would find ways to get everything done, without a man to help me. Plus I wouldn't have to worry about tending to the house as much, cooking for two, or anything else that comes with married life. Besides, I'm beginning to think marriage is not as great as everyone else says it is. I've seen too many people burned to really have faith that marriage is even worth it for me. And that's only IF I were to ever find a man willing to marry me, for whom I reciprocate the feelings. I'm thinking either that's not going to happen, or it's going to be a while. Which is fine. If God does want me to get married, I'm sure it won't be any time soon, as He just loves to test patience, at least, that's how it seems. But, honestly, I couldn't care less. I understand now that God has given everyone of us a wonderful gift, solitude, and most people reject it and don't appreciate it. I think I can see solitude as the beautiful thing that it is. Solitude gives us the opportunity to truly reflect on God's power, beauty, and awesomeness. It allows us to get to know ourselves better, which can be daunting, but is rather worthwile. If one can learn to love their own self, they will never be alone: "You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with" -Wayne Dyer. Besides, I'm a loner. It's just my personality. I prefer to be alone. My parents actually get frustrated because I would rather be cooped up in my room than hang out with anyone. I really don't have that many friends, and that's fine with me. It seems like I'm getting more and more introverted as I age. By the time I'm 30, I'll have maybe 2 or 3 friends, and that's fine with me. I lose friends like most people lose hair, haha. And, to tell the truth, it does hurt, but I'm getting stronger. One day, it won't hurt at all... at least, that's what I'm hoping for. I just think that once I truly begin to love myself, it won't matter whether or not others love me as well. Thus, losing "friends" won't hurt. I'll be better off alone than with friends who don't truly love me. But that's just my random rant for the day.


On a more positive note, I read something the other day that was so hilarious, I laughed until I CRIED. Not lying at all, or even exaggerating. I shall include a link to said awesomeness. It is definitely worth your time. Promise.


http://www.humanistsofutah.org/2002/WhyCantIOwnACanadian_10-02.html



Did you laugh at it? I did! Well, I shall now say goodbye... at least for now. Peace out and God bless.

Must be doing something right.. Oh, wait, no, no I'm not.

So, Seth admits he likes me, then decides that he should talk to Michael about it. Michael apparently thinks I'm a nice enough person, but I'm only 18, and he's used to having parents want their girls to be with him. So, that talk couldn't have just been about Seth liking me... Therefore, if anyone needs me, I'll be curled up in a hole in a cave on a mountain in the middle of nowhere so that I will NEVER have to show my face again. Especially around *him*. Also, I've decided that I'm just going to pretend I don't like *him* until I really don't... That usually works, right? Now, if I could just convince Seth to do the same... He said he likes me because, no matter how bad he screws up, I've always screwed up worse, and I never get mad at him for screwing up... Umm, I'm pretty sure that is NOT a good reason to like someone. Just saying, if someone is a huge screw up, you should probably avoid that person. And me not getting mad just means that I'm not a complete failure as a friend. That does not make me the person he should like. Argh. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's an awesome boy, and therein lies the problem. He's just a boy. That, and our personalities may work on a friendship level, but on a romantic one, it could NOT work at all. I hate to say that, because I don't want to hurt him... Maybe if I just keep pointing out my flaws, he'll stop liking me... I know that may not be the *best* plan ever, but I'm just hoping he'll realize that I'm not right for him. One can only hope, right?

I guess I'll find out... For now, I'm going to end this. I'll keep y'all updated on everything. Later.

Music=love.

So, I have no new guy news... Sorry, y'all.


Anyway, I had an... interesting day, to say the least. At the beginning of the day, I decided it was going to be a good day, no matter what. Well, life decided it didn't want me to have a good day, so life and I got into a fight. I grabbed life by the horns and just about had it in a chokehold, when life body-slammed me really hard. Apparently, life knows karate... Who knew? But I'm stubborn, so I got up, grabbed life by the horns again, swung it around, kneed it in the ribs, slammed in on the ground, spat in it's face. Basically, I beat life, and therefore my day, into submission. It turned out to be a good day. One of the things that made it a good day was when a three year old boy tried to sing Rain Is A Good Thing. Actual lyrics: "Rain makes corn, corn makes whiskey, whiskey makes my baby feel a little frisky." His lyrics: "Rain makes corn, frippy makes corn, frippy makes my baby happy." I'm not quite sure what "frippy" is, exactly, but if it makes his baby happy, I'm all for it. I may need some frippy, actually... Haha. Also, I got a fifteen minute nap. That was awesome, considering how hard my day had been prior to that. The classroom I taught in today had a janky toilet that decided to flood for no apparent reason, and when I say flood, I mean FLOOD. It was baaaaaad. And it occurred right at naptime, so none of the kids would lay down and go to sleep. Luckily, the other teacher came back shortly thereafter so I could go to lunch. It was still pretty rough... Not to mention the kids' behavior... Ugh. It was just bad. Nevertheless, it was a good day. And with that, I shall shut up... for now. I may come back later with more on my mind... We'll see! God bless!

I'm sorry. The person you're trying to reach is unavailable at this time. Please hang up and try again. Beeeep.

Oh. My. Good. Gravy. 8-6 at daycare. 6-8 at church. Umm... That makes *counts on fingers*.... 12 hours of kids today. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love working with these kids who I absolutely adore (that is a movie quote. Kudos to anyone who knows which movie it is). It's just that I am so stinking tired. I think I need intraveneous caffeine... Do they make that yet? If not, it's only a matter of time. But anyway, I really don't *need* to be posting this right now... I should be doing something productive. However, I've gotten to the point that if I don't get at least some of my thoughts out, I'll go even more crazy than I already am. Which would not be a good thing, AT ALL. If I were to get any crazier, I'm pretty sure I'd be put in a mental institution. Of course, if I keep getting more and more stressed without bothering to relieve any of it, I'll have a psychotic breakdown and wind up in a mental institution anyway. So, either way, I need to chill. I think I need to start exercising again. It's great stress relief, and I need to get toned... But it's all a matter of time, rather, the lack thereof. I know I make time to blog, but blogging takes far less time than a legitimate workout, considering my definition of a "workout". I mean, even if I take it easy and only do 30 minutes to an hour, I still don't have that kind of time. I need to though. Although this job is probably making me lose weight. I hardly have time to eat, and I'm constantly moving or picking kids up. It's crazy. But enough about that mess.



So, just because I know I have at least two people interested in this boy stuff (you know who you are), I'll post a teeny bit about that whole deal. Okay, so for starters, my friend who shall remain nameless, yet I know will read this, has determined that I should go talk to *him*. I think she's a total nutcase for even suggesting this, as I am HORRIBLE at talking to people... especially guys I actually like. Also, she said I shouldn't fight liking *him*, which I currently am, because fighting it implies that I don't really trust God. However, I like to think that by fighting it I am proving I do trust God, because I'm not leaning on my own emotions to tell me what God wants. That, and I know I'll get hurt if I do let myself like *him*, and I don't want that, so I'm not going to. I'm not saying *he* would intentionally hurt me. I'm just saying that unrequited emotions and dashed hopes tend to be slightly painful, and I'm not up for that. At least not yet. I've been hurt too many times to voluntarily let myself be hurt. That's just s-t-u-pid, stupid. So, I'm going to fight it and try to be patient... Just going to wait for God to do this in His own time. Which usually means it's going to take a while... I guess I have no other choice... Oh well. But anyway, one of the brothers mentioned in a previous post actually admitted that he likes me... Which makes me sad, because I don't want to hurt him. So he and I talked about it, and I made him promise to not do that to himself. Besides, he has another girl he likes too, so it should be okay... hopefully. Now if I can just make myself not like... well, you know who, then we'll be great...



But for right now, I think I need to go shower then clean my room... Since it's 11 and I have to be up early tomorrow... Okay... Seriously, I'm shutting up now... Okay... Goodnight, and God bless.



Oh, and I shall keep you two ladies filled in on my guy issues if you would like. Love you, Mrs. L and Ms. R. :) You guys rock.

Oopsie daisy...

So I just realized that I accidentally deleted my previous post... oops. I promise it was an accident and I'll post a new one ASAP. Good night and God bless.