Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Ezer kenegdo...

I am ezer kenegdo. "Ezer" = "lifesaver". "Kenegdo" = "counterpart". As a woman, God created me to be man's lifesaving counterpart. I have never felt so epically awesome in my life. Men need women. That, in and of itself, is reason enough to feel great. But then, I'm beautiful. As a woman, I am made beautiful. God endowed me with beauty. All I have to do is sit back, chill out, and let my beauty radiate naturally. Which is much easier said than done. I have to sit back and chill out? Yeah, right. Like I can do that. While I'm at it, I'll just hold my breath and count to a billion. I am incapable of doing either... alone. I can do the first (well, really, the second too, but it's irrelevant) with the help of my great Romancer. My King. He can help me. He can help you, too. I've gotten to the place where I have nowhere else to turn, which is how God likes it, just so you know... I need God to take me, mellow me out, and help me to allow my beauty to shine forth. The only problem with this? I have to become vulnerable, which if you have known me for any amount of time, you know that I do NOT allow myself to be vulnerable. Even when I "vent", I hold most things in because if one person can see everything, they can hurt me. And honestly, I'm terrified of being hurt again. But I know that vulnerability is what I need in order that I may become the woman God intended me to be. So now, in every prayer I pray, I have to ASK to be made the one thing I never wanted to be: vulnerable. Oh, Lord. Help me. But I know it will all be okay. God will make me what he wants me to be in his time and in his way. I trust him.

Now that I've gotten my obligatory deep, spiritual stuff out of the way (just kidding, kinda)... I think I may need prayer. I messed up my lower back- the right lower back, to be specific- and I'm not sure what's wrong. However, I do know that I have to perform Silent Witness tomorrow, and can barely move. This cannot end well. And because it's me (and there's only 3 other people performing tomorrow) I shall simply have to tough it out. I practiced a couple of times tonight, and no one should be able to tell that I am in pain. I don't grimace or wince, so it'll be okay. But still, it is making my job at the daycare even harder, as I can barely lift kids, or bend over, or squat down, or sit down, etc. So if you would, please pray for me.

On a more pleasant note, I got the EGR valve for my car... Let's just hope it's the right one. They ordered two, because no one knew which one I needed, so I have to get this one put in. If it fits, yay! If it doesn't, I simply return it and get the other one. Joy of joys. This shall be fun. It will all pay off in the end though, as my gas mileage will return to its original state of awesomeness.

Alas, it is 11:35 and I still have laundry to finish, Bible to read, and prayers to pray before bed. So I must bid you all farewell. Perhaps I shall see you tomorrow at church. I love you all, and I am praying for you. Good night, and God bless.

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