Sunday, August 22, 2010

Again? Yes... again.

So, Seth and I had a long talk today... I casually mentioned that Thomas waited five years before Steph came around... He said "Well, I've only got two and a half left then..." I fuh-reaked (that's like "freaked", just with more emphasis...) Umm... Yeah. He's liked me (pretty much consistently, although occasionally it was more of that "Yeah, I like her, her, her, that girl over there, her, her, oh, and her too" kind of deal... still though...) for TWO AND A HALF YEARS. I knew he liked me for the past few months... But I wasn't thinking I was dealing with YEARS here!!! Ohh, good gravy... This is bad, so bad... I have even LESS of a clue on dealing with this than I did before I knew... "I wish somehow I didn't know now what I didn't know then..." (Yup, I have a song for everything). I have NO CLUE WHATSOEVER. And, yes, I have prayed about it....

Ah, I'm adding these lyrics to my list of things I WANT in a man:

I want a man that stands beside me
not in front of or behind me
Give me two arms that want to hold me, not own me
And I'll give all the love in my heart
Stand by me
Be true, don't tell lies to me
I'm not looking for a fantasy
I want a man who stands beside me

I think that's a pretty good way to sum it up. It's very true... It's also a song I grew up on. So, I mean, it's pretty cool that I liked it before I fully understood the lyrics, and now that I do understand them, I love it. I love it when that happens... Which tends to happen a lot. I had good taste in music as a kid. Maybe I'm just re-realizing my awesomeness... haha. Anyway....

Didn't really work out today... Unless you count praise and worship... And tossin' the football around with Seth... In which case, I worked out today. You know, I think I'm going to count that. That was fun though. I love football. Just throwing that out there. And I would so be the kind of girlfriend that you could play tackle football with, and I wouldn't even get mad if I got hurt. I'm not that stupid. Someone remind me again why I'm single? Oh yeah, I'm secretly a man, trapped in a woman's body. That could be the problem. Also, I guess I'm not right with God just yet. I have really been working on it, though. I'm just not very good at it. At anything, really. Not just yet. The only thing I'm good at is listening to (and singing loudly, and probably badly) any country music. I love it. I have it on my laptop, desktop, TV, iPod, car radio, and my phone! Am I addicted? Yes, probably. I mean, I'm playing it now, via Yup. I'm that cool. I Swear by John Michael Montgomery is playing as I type these words. I love music. And nature. Too bad I can't be paid to enjoy life. That would be the best job EVER. Although a lot of people wouldn't be too good at it. That's okay though. If you enjoy life, you live longer, supposedly, so maybe I'll just have more of a life to enjoy than other people... Which is almost sad, since I'll outlive my loved ones, but still... I'm kind of a recluse anyway, so it's all good. Is it bad that I can talk about death so nonchalantly? I mean, death isn't really that bad. I mean, yeah, it's sad for those of us left here, but really, as long as it isn't terribly drawn out, death is just another phase in the cycle of life... "It's the circle of life...." I think that's a pretty good outlook to have though, because, when my time comes, I won't be scared. Which is good, since I feel that fear is pretty typically a stupid and unfounded emotion. I mean, there are some times in which fear is good. Like if God Almighty is enraged, yeah, be scared. And, yes, there are a lot of things I'm afraid of... I still think it's stupid. Like frogs. Why on God's green Earth am I afraid of FROGS?!?!? It's so ridiculous. I'm trying to get over it... unsuccessfully thus far... I'm working on it though. Especially if I want to work outside. I mean, you can't really be afraid of frogs and work outside. It's just not logical. But that's enough about my weird fear... All I'm really trying to say is that worry and fear need to just exit my life. That would make life a little better. Maybe not altogether, as then I would be doing some pretty stupid stuff, e.g. jumping off of buildings, climbing tall rickety objects, etc.

So, I think for now I'm going to sign off of here. I love you all. Good night and God bless.

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