Ponderings...

"I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude." -Henry David Thoreau.


"Do not rely completely on any other human being, however dear. We meet all life's greatest tests alone." -Agnes McPhail.


So I decided that I'm okay with living in solitude for the rest of my life. I'm actually pretty excited about the prospect of never having to worry about pleasing others. And say what you will, I do have to please others, as long as there are others to please. It's just a part of who I am. I'm a people-pleaser; always have been, always will be. And as much as I hate it, I still can't tell people "no". I just can't, and it sucks. I truly wish I could, because that would save me so much stress, time, and energy. But that's totally not going to happen anytime soon at all. I guess I'll just have to learn to deal with stress and exhaustion until I'm rich enough to afford to escape. I can't wait to get away from it all. And if I stay single forever, I'll never have to worry about all the disappointment and pain that comes with relationships. It's a pretty good plan, I think. And if I can go through with it, no one else will ever be hurt by me, either. Which would make me very happy. I hate hurting others, even moreso than I hate being hurt by others. Therefore, I want to save up a ton of money (or win the lottery, haha) and move out into the mountains, to a two or three room cabin. I won't need anything very big, as it would just be me, myself, and I. Nor would it be hard for me to take care of myself. I would find ways to get everything done, without a man to help me. Plus I wouldn't have to worry about tending to the house as much, cooking for two, or anything else that comes with married life. Besides, I'm beginning to think marriage is not as great as everyone else says it is. I've seen too many people burned to really have faith that marriage is even worth it for me. And that's only IF I were to ever find a man willing to marry me, for whom I reciprocate the feelings. I'm thinking either that's not going to happen, or it's going to be a while. Which is fine. If God does want me to get married, I'm sure it won't be any time soon, as He just loves to test patience, at least, that's how it seems. But, honestly, I couldn't care less. I understand now that God has given everyone of us a wonderful gift, solitude, and most people reject it and don't appreciate it. I think I can see solitude as the beautiful thing that it is. Solitude gives us the opportunity to truly reflect on God's power, beauty, and awesomeness. It allows us to get to know ourselves better, which can be daunting, but is rather worthwile. If one can learn to love their own self, they will never be alone: "You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with" -Wayne Dyer. Besides, I'm a loner. It's just my personality. I prefer to be alone. My parents actually get frustrated because I would rather be cooped up in my room than hang out with anyone. I really don't have that many friends, and that's fine with me. It seems like I'm getting more and more introverted as I age. By the time I'm 30, I'll have maybe 2 or 3 friends, and that's fine with me. I lose friends like most people lose hair, haha. And, to tell the truth, it does hurt, but I'm getting stronger. One day, it won't hurt at all... at least, that's what I'm hoping for. I just think that once I truly begin to love myself, it won't matter whether or not others love me as well. Thus, losing "friends" won't hurt. I'll be better off alone than with friends who don't truly love me. But that's just my random rant for the day.


On a more positive note, I read something the other day that was so hilarious, I laughed until I CRIED. Not lying at all, or even exaggerating. I shall include a link to said awesomeness. It is definitely worth your time. Promise.


http://www.humanistsofutah.org/2002/WhyCantIOwnACanadian_10-02.html



Did you laugh at it? I did! Well, I shall now say goodbye... at least for now. Peace out and God bless.